How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are we still banned from the library?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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