so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
