so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
