first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
