I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
smell my finger.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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