I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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