How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
