We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
