I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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