Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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