I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You've changed since you got that strap on
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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