Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
