....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
