The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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