i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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