The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't turn off my feet"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
