I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
