dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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