I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
