My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
