It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
