i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
