Sober January is a disaster.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
