I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
