My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
