Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
