I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
