In the future we'll all be gay
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
