You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
