Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
