know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
