I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
