ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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