didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
