Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
