I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Randomize
