I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
