he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
