just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
