Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
