the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
