White coat. Heels.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
