We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
