Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
