capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
