I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
