from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
