Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
