Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
