playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
